Girl let me tell you…
I have reached 25, going on 26, and I do not have any children. Now, coming from where I am from that is a HUGE accomplishment. Not to mention, my great grandmother, grandmother, and mother all had their first child at 22. I always knew that I wanted my life to look a certain way, and I knew that I was in no way ready for a child so I have been on birth control since my freshman year of college. When I tell you I damn near twerk to my birth control every night.... I am probably the only person still on the pill who jumps for joy when their reminder goes off.
The problem is not that I am taking my time to try and have a family when I am ready; it is that society is consistently telling me I am running out of time. Older women always start asking, “When are you going to start a family”… Shoot, I wish I knew honey… I really do… Then they start saying things like “Well you don’t want to wait to long, you know children bring you a lot of joy and fulfillment…”
See, I don’t think they are lying when they say this, my only problem is… Why do you have to make women feel as though they are incomplete without the presence of a child? Why must our story as women always look incomplete without the presence of children or a man?
Why aren’t women told that they can find fulfillment within their career, their spiritual journey, or their passions? Every women does not want to be a mother and some are not able to. Why can’t we create a place in which women feel comfortable coming into their own and enjoying their development without being pressured to develop others?
Now, don’t get me wrong, I want to be a mother deeply! I want to have a family. I just want to do it on my time and I want the support of the women around me to do it in the ways that work best for myself, my future husband, and my health. Every family is not created through traditional contraception and that does not make them any less whole.
The following things are okay:
1.) It is okay to say you do not want children. It does not make you any less of a woman.
2.) It is okay to say you want children, but only want to adopt and do not want to actually carry any children yourself
3.) It is okay to say you want a football team worth of children and to start having them at 23 if you are financially and emotionally ready to
4.) It is okay to want to have a child by yourself by means of artificial insemination
5.) It is okay to wait for the right relationship and the dynamic family unit you want to have a child
6.) It is okay to tell everyone to mind their damn business when they ask you about your future family plans.
7.) It is okay for you to follow your own journey unapologetically!
It pains me to know that women my age may be going through health, emotional, or physical related issues in terms of the creation of their families and the only thing we hear in mainstream society is: "Well, women you were made to carry a child and you are a slut if you do it too early without marriage, and you are a failure if you can't get married and have one in the perfect time frame." I am just here to break the cycle and provide a little bit of hope. We're going to be just fine on our respective journeys getting there by the means that are best for us.
We can do it sis, just trust the journey.