Girl let me tell you…..
I have found myself recently in a predicament that makes me reconsider the ways in which I exert my energy. See…… In the past I have always failed because just about everything got a response out of me. If I felt like you wronged me, brushed past me a little too hard, didn’t appreciate what I did, or if you down right pissed me off I thought that I had to respond each and every time. Let me tell you, that shit is draining….
I found myself constantly in drama, constantly rehearsing situations in my mind, and constantly in a heightened state. All for what?
I lacked the wisdom needed to understand the fact that I didn’t always need to respond or “read someone to filth”… That same energy I spent doing that was the same energy I could spend working on myself.
See, I thought that I had to save everyone else from themselves and I thought that I was in some way the eminent being who knew right from wrong… Well, clearly I was mistaken. I don’t know anything more than the next person honestly.
I learned that I lacked humility and the self control needed to fix myself before I started pointing the finger at other people. Now do not get me wrong, sometimes people need to be made aware of their actions, but I would much rather fight my battles wisely….
I have to be selfish with my time, resources, and energy. Every situation does not deserve my time, energy, and passion. Not to mention you can’t enlighten someone of the ways in which they have ‘wronged you’ or the ways in which their actions are problematic if they don’t want to listen… Let me repeat myself: you can’t enlighten someone of the ways in which they have ‘wronged you’ or the ways in which their actions are problematic if they don’t want to listen… I can’t tell you how many times I would be cursing, yelling, screaming, and arguing with someone who was dead wrong (I am talking stole something, caught in a lie/cheating, stating things that are literally false wrong) who still believed that they were right…. It is not worth your time or stress levels to do this by any means…
People will always be who they are and for that you have to love them or leave them. Don’t waste time pouring into relationships, friendships, or even family (yes I said it) when they are the kinds of people who lack introspection. If someone believes that they are always a victim, let them be. If you really want to help them, wish them well from afar but preserve yourself! It does not make you a bad person for not wanting to constantly have to correct/enlighten them. Damnit if that’s not your child, you don’t have to do it!
Society constantly bombards us with the ideas that if we do not give every situation energy and if we ‘allow’ people to upset us without providing a reaction we are weak, push overs, or just stupid. I would have to say I do not agree. If the situation is truly important to you, then you absolutely can react, but it still can be in your own time and in your own way. Your closure does not have to come from “rectifying” another persons actions… Sometimes it can just come from moving on. Time really can heal all wounds. I believe that the need for constant combat to petty situations is another way that we are programmed to constantly seek for peace outside of ourselves and I don’t agree nor do I wish to take part.
I would rather look back at a situation and say that I did what was absolutely best for myself while being respectful to another person than to say I expended energy, emotion, and possibly character trying to teach an old dog new tricks.
This is my life, and I have every right to control the things that I allow to take up emotional, physical, and spiritual space within it. I know that picking my battles looks like weakness to others and I know that it may not give the instant gratification that exploding may provide, however when you have a vision of who you want to be as a person you are willing to achieve that by any means necessary. I want to give all of my energy to my spiritual journey, family, passions, friends, and man. I don't have enough energy to be giving that to others who do not deserve it. They are going to have to catch me on a day I have time, but as for this time in my journey... I choose me.
We can do it sis, just trust the journey.