Sis…. Let me tell you…
In life I feel like I am STUCK.
I mean like deep inside the mud, never getting out, stuck.
I mean…. Sitting Terrified Under Challenging Knowledge…..
The challenging knowledge in my life: I am not going to be successful, I don’t have what it takes to make it in my passions, I can’t break the generational curses I have been born into, etc….
Let me say that again..
I am Sitting Terrified Under Challenging Knowledge…
What I mean by that is… I am a 26 year old woman, working at a job that I loathe ( I am thankfully to have one, I know it is a blessing but I have my eyes set on actually liking what I do), struggling to find my place.
See, I know the things that I enjoy doing…
I love planning weddings. I love planning any event really that brings people together and reminds them of the importance of the way that we relate to one another. I love giving back to my community. I love to travel. I love to try new things…….
See, what I don’t love is this CRIPPLING, debilitating , all consuming FEAR that I live in.
I started this blog months ago, but I am even afraid to put it on my Instagram too much because I feel like people will get tired of me… I am afraid to ask people to promote it because I am afraid that they will turn me down.
I am blogging in the day and age where people do this everyday and I keep asking myself “what makes this different: what makes my blog worth people paying attention to?”
I have a very bad tendency to only go after things that I think that I can achieve and never truly go after things that challenge me because I am afraid of failure…
See… girl I am STUCK.
I am so afraid of failing that I won’t try. Like the vast majority of the people I know… I look at an over saturated market and I think to myself “someone is already planning weddings” “someone is already blogging” “someone is already planning service events” and I convince myself that what the world does not need is me.
I mean after all, what can I do that is so unique that people haven’t already seen before?!
STUCK.
The worst part about being stuck though is not what you might think….
It is the fact that you failed yourself.
It is the notion that you have given up on yourself and the value that you add to the world.
See, what I thought was the challenging piece about my current situation was that I was not in the career I wanted, or the fact that I am not a wife with kids already, or the fact that I still look at my bank account sometimes and have to say a prayer….
The worst part of it all is that I allowed myself to accept defeat. I allowed myself to become bombarded with the idea that I lack uniqueness, I lack depth, and I lack my very own ideas and experiences.
The real knowledge I am sitting under is that EVERYONE is struggling with the same things. Everyone is trying to make their own way. EVERYONE is trying to create their own road map for their success. How could I be so naive to think that I was sitting alone in a place like this?
I have seen the meme a million times that has the bread aisle… The one where it is trying to convey to people that there are a bunch of companies making the same damn thing and yet they are still succeeding and yet I told myself… “Yeah well, that doesn’t apply to me there is something more special about them”…
Yeah, I recently learned what was more special about them… It is their faith partnered with their tenacity.
You will NEVER see your visions come to fruition if you are hiding under your own fear. Hell, I get so afraid of failing I don’t even make vision boards anymore because I don’t want to look at a representation of all of the things I can’t accomplish in the timeline I set for myself… BUT it is time to change.
My life is mine to live and it is mine to flourish in. The same God that woke me up is the same one that has a good, no GREAT, plan for my success.
We have to stop allowing ourselves to be so consumed with what we can’t do, that we lose sight of what we were called to do.
If only you know your dreams, only you can shoot them down.
We can do it sis, just trust the journey.