Girl let me tell you……
I might just be responsible for a lot of the crazy ish that has happened to me…
Also, let me tell you before you read this… This is not for the faint at heart.
Let me tell you three things that have happened to me that I need to take responsibility for.
1.) I was in a relationship where I was cheated on at least 20+ times. I think it might have been with one girl in particular but honestly, knowing him I doubt it. He was slick as all get out. This man told me that for whatever reason his phone got every other person on earth’s text messages but not mine so I couldn’t really keep in contact with him and his ear piece in his phone was messed up so I couldn’t call……. He also told me that he broke up with his ex and that they had no dealings with each other, she was just studying abroad. He also told me that he was trying to build with me and me alone ( while flirting with and fooling around with someone I knew). All of this is going on behind my back and let me tell you, I need to take full responsibility for some pieces of this situation. Now, I don’t take responsibility for him lying. sleeping around, or being just a down right scum bag at the time, I do however need to take responsibility for letting it continue to happen. I tried to pull the wool over my eyes a million times. I kept saying stuff like “ no he is a good guy” “ I don’t think he would do me like that” “He cares about me there is no way”. It is bad enough to let someone else lie to you, don’t lie to yourself on top of that. I look at this experience and I always want to get upset with him but why? He showed me who he was on multiple occasions and it was me who chose to continue to be there. I am responsible for allowing myself to continuously be disrespected.
2.) I tend to stay in places that make me depressed even though I know I need to leave. I have stayed in jobs, apartments, and relationships all because I thought that there may not be anything better on the other side, or why try and push for something better when this isn’t all that bad? I mean I am not dead so it can’t be all that bad… Wrong. It is no one else’s job on this earth to ensure that you are happy and you are in absolute control over where your life is headed. You cannot expect for things to change about your situation if you are not willing to either change yourself or change your environment overall. I stayed in a place that I hated for years not because it was good for me but because I was afraid to move on. I was afraid of the unknown. So the years that ended with weight gain, hair loss, and horrible conclusions about my worth could have been stopped a long time before that but I CHOSE to stay. See, I am responsible for allowing myself to live in fear.
3.) I tend to blame everyone else for my actions. I am the queen of saying “ I wouldn’t have cursed you out and made you feel worthless had you not done X, Y, and Z” or “Well, I wouldn’t be paying him any mind if you would have paid some mind when I asked you to” or my all time favorite “You have no idea what I have been through”. Let me just state an unpopular opinion : No one else can make you do anything, you are in complete control of the way you act, react, and process. For instance, when I feel neglected or ignored I am the first to lash out and to be accusatory. Now, there are two ways that could be handled I could ask the question and see if I actually am being ignored or I could lash out. What do you think I do?! “I see the pressure under more scrutiny, and what I do ACT MORE STUPIDLY”. It does not matter what people do to you, you will always be held accountable for what it is that you do. Now I can moan and complain about all of the ways that is not fair, or I can boss up and be the woman that I see myself as. I am responsible for my shortcomings and the ways in which I act.
Please don’t allow these self help books, Instagram stories, or popular tv shows to cloud your judgement.
If you are wronged you DO have an option to turn the other cheek and no matter how wrong it is, YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW YOU ACT. We can create peace or chaos, it is up to us.
We can do it sis, just trust the journey.