Girl let me tell you….
I have recently had to learn the power between reality and fantasy.
Tell me I am not alone in the fact that I have completely romanticized relationships (familiar, friendships, and romantic). I have recreated memories to be better than they were. I have seen only what I wanted to see. I have made excuses for piss poor behavior. I have created a completely different reality in my mind. I look back at some of my relationships (keep in mind I am speaking about familiar, friendships, and romantic : my last disclaimer) and I see now that I should have learned the phrase “this is not going to work for me” a long long time ago.
I think I have romanticized relationships in three ways:
1.) I have made the memories I have with some people much more elaborate and beautiful than they were
2.) I have given people clout and characteristics they did not earn nor do they appear to embody them
3.) I have allowed for people to consume my resources (time, affection, and money) in ways that were detrimental to my well-being.
I think about one relationship in particular and I think about how “perfect” it always has been. If you were to ask me about this person I would say: They are always there for me when I need them, they have seen me through so many trying times, they are always rooting for me, you don’t find people like that all the time…. Now don’t get me wrong, they truly are an amazing person. They just aren’t all of those things to me. It is easy for me to think these things about them however because they have seen me through trying times (the ones I tell them about), they are rooting for me (from a distance, they don’t call to check in on me), and I haven’t found someone else like them because everyone is different. I have held them on this unattainable pedestal for YEARS and now when I look in reality I realize they are just as human as everyone else. They mean something to me, but there season has in many ways ended. They don’t need to rescue me anymore. They don’t need to make my days better anymore. They really just sort of talk to me when it is all around necessary.
Girl I have made up total characteristics for people that they never signed up for both good and bad.
It is so hard to take people exactly for who they are. I see potential in people so I want to give them more than they have achieved. Then on the flip side: things they do remind me of people from my past so I automatically label them in negative ways.
See the problem is I didn’t know how to take things for exactly what they are and exactly what they have the capacity to be.
It is a hard lesson to live in the moment and to allow yourself to see things for how they are, but if you are always creating an alternative reality will the one you are in ever be good enough?
We can do it sis, just trust the journey.