Sis let me tell you…..
Making friends as an adult is hard work…
Why can’t we go back to the good ole days where all you had to do was like the same activity at recess and you could be besties? Why can’t we just like each other’s pencil boxes and have a sleepover? Why on earth is this so darn complicated, I mean really.
I am battling with this for a few reasons..
1.) I have some friends that I have been cool with for 8+ years and they are solid. ( Their presence in my life however makes me set a very high bar for each new person that I meet)
2.) I am not cut out for everyone! I am not an easily digestible individual. I support my friends, I encourage my friends, and I am 100% always one call away…. BUT, I do not play none of that bull…. EVER
3.) I don’t have a demographic that I fit in… I am not in college anymore nor am I in that mindset and if something starts at 11:00 pm, you won’t catch me there…. I am also not married so I am not in the serious lane… I don’t have ANY children, the closest thing is some dogs, and I can’t relate to getting the kids ready in the morning or the nerve of their preschool teachers…. I don’t work in corporate America, so I guess I am not cool enough to sit with them either… I am not a teacher, so I can’t talk to you about the PTA meetings or the lack of supplies you guys are given… THIS IS EXHAUSTING just to write about
I am a mid to late 20 something figuring out her permanent career, trying to balance seeing the world, growing my edges out, and losing this weight that was supposed to be the freshman 15 but turned into the early 20, 20.
So in my case you have a few options:
1.) You can be friends with the people that you work with: CAUTION, this only works when you know what type of people they are through and through…
2.) You can be friends with people you might have met on a community sports team/ at the gym ( you would actually have to be involved in these things to meet them though)
3.) You can meet friends on BUMBLE
4.) You can meet them through other friends that you have already made
5.) I am sure there is another way… But I can’t think of another honestly.
The problem is once you are an adult you become so influenced by your past experiences and the goals that you set for yourself that I believe you are not as open to new relationships. ( Not platonic for that matter)
There have been a ton of women who in my mind I am sure that we could have been great friends, but in my mind I just didn’t know how to formulate the words needed to progress the friendship anywhere.
I keep trying to figure out the solution to my age old question: Are we too old to make new friends?
Now, I say too old like we are ancient but it is a serious question.
I am CONSTANTLY hearing people say “ no new friends” or parading their friendships that have been solid for decades ( I do it myself) however is there something to be said for people who in their adult life can make meaningful new friendships?
I understand the appeal of not wanting to lose your current relationships, but as people is there a capacity that we have that we can’t take in more than a certain amount of meaningful relationships? Like are we only physically able to be good friends with 5 people and everyone beyond that is just someone that we associate with?
If I am being honest, I think it is a bunch of bull.
I think as we get older we start making excuses for our lack of kindness, friendly demeanor and empathy. I don’t think we can’t be genuine friends with more people, I believe we don’t know how.
I think some of the problems are:
1.) We lack the communication skills needed to have productive relationships. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen people fall out of friendships ( and fallen out of my own friendships) with people over misunderstanding or hurt feelings and they never even have a conversation to resolve the issue!!! (Let’s be clear though, these same people would NEVER do this in their romantic relationship, they would be solution driven as hell). If you think you are going to get to be in your 20’s and have a productive long lasting friendship with someone where you don’t disagree or end up ruffling their feathers/ disappointing them every once and a while, you’re drunk… You’re always going to be a person who has life experiences that shape who you are and so will they so why be “friends” with someone who you don’t have the decency to communicate with?
2.) We lack the tact it takes to be a true friend. Let’s get one thing clear: your OPINION is not always a fact and because of that sometimes you need to check your damn self. Whether or not they should start a business, who they become romantically involved with, who they reproduce with, what they do in their spare time is NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS. Do not think for a second that because someone shares their life with you that you are entitled to being in it. Check your privilege. If you feel passionately about it, ask questions for clarification and stick by their side no matter how it turns out. If it does not cause you harm, send you to jail, harm your home, health, or finances… HUSH
3.) We don’t value new friendships. We put such an emphasis on people who have seen us through thick and thin that we don’t recognize that at one point in time they were new to us and our lives as well. There truly are wonderful people out in this world, and you may be missing out on productive relationships because you are so tied down with what you are comfortable with. SIDEnote: Some of us complain that our lives aren’t moving forward and those friendships that we have had 10+ don’t help us move forward… Sometimes the company you are keeping can’t make it the long haul with you.
Now, I am not advocating anyone drop their lifelong friends ( you couldn’t pay me to do so), and I am not saying that every person in your life needs some deep evaluation, but I am saying….
Sometimes we outgrow people because they are better for who we were and the people we meet now are better for who we have become.
After contemplating this for some time now, and I am challenging myself to something new. I have to be willing to make my life look the ways in which I want and stop expecting them to just happen. So now, for every friend crush, every drunk girl in the bathroom with the cute outfit, every girl in the grocery store that’s getting the same almond milk, and every girl that is getting the matching coat at the store: I vow to say hello.
In order to get places we have never been we have to do things we have never done, it is time for a change.
WE got this sis, just trust the journey.